TOP FIVE

We've all had them - those moments that come from out of nowhere and make us wish we'd have completely finished off that bottle of tequila the night before.  But then again if tequila were really that good there wouldn't be a worm at the bottom of some of it now would there?! So here's my top 5 that happened all in one day:

#1: Long ago (1980s) I married my oldest daughter's dad at a backwoods country church in Louisiana that still had a baptismal in the creek out back and located about 10 miles from anywhere. But that wasn't it - I decided to get married on the opening day of deer season (which DID NOT make me popular among the groomsmen I can tell you). Had I thought that through I'd have realized I'd have a bunch of unhappy hungover hunters with high power rifles in their trucks onhand.   

#2: My maid and matron of honor kidnapped me, driving me up and down the highway in front of the church and honking the horn. The preacher didn't think it was too funny when we pulled up and I rolled out laughing and squealing "At least they let me out of the trunk".  

#3: Wardrobe malfunction. I had a magnificent dress, complete with veil and all; very formal. Under that beautiful dress I wore a delicate, lacy pair of shoes... at least until the reception when I slipped out and put on a pair of red ropers instead.  When my husband carefully lifted the hem of my dress to seek the garter and saw the red boots he threw my dress up so high it looked like a parachute coming down. All I can say is good thing my slip was big! 

#4: The after party.  Since we got married in a baptist church, several others joined us for adult beverages in the lounge of a Monroe hotel where we were going to spend our wedding night. Don't laugh at me - it was his idea! Now with us were the usual unindicted co-conspirators such as friends, family members, my ex-brother-in-law. Wait. What? Yep, even the brother of my first husband joined us.  But I'm saving the best for last.

#5: Next morning we woke up still in our wedding night bliss (not to mention a little foggy from the hangovers) when I noticed something.  A door in our wall! After staring at it for a while it hit me. I literally fell out of the bed screaming and laughing hysterically "Holy crap. Hey. Honey.  WE JUST SPENT OUR WEDDING NIGHT NEXT DOOR TO MY MOTHER!!!!" True story. 

Moral here: When you get married make sure it's not on a day when everyone's going to have high power rifles in their truck, take your own car, wear a big slip and whatever you do... NEVER, EVER let your mother make your honeymoon arrangements.