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Monday, November 14, 2011


You know, I've always felt like a good game of peek-a-boo was best reserved for the grandkids. Okay, okay, get your mind out of the gutter. I'll give you a minute to wipe it off... Ready now? As I was saying - a good game of peek-a-boo. Well, in this instance I'm talking about those on again off again relationships I know we've ALL found ourselves in. Yes, 'those' relationships - you know, the one they wrote that song about. 

I gotta say, I'm betting I know how a yo-yo feels and, you do too if you've ever experienced that. And yes, I know I've written about it already. Some things just bear repeating apparently. Seriously, though, it's a timing game. Talk about radar! It's like they've got Superman on speed dial, just waiting to peek through your walls.

You know how it is. You're home alone Friday night and suddenly, without warning, you get it - that same ol' innocuous text 'Hey.' I prefer my response "Hay's for horses so head for the barn jack ***." Of course I'm sure many of you are a little more lady like in your responses than myself. That could explain why I'm usually home alone on Friday night. Hmm....

But it never fails, you give in and then there it is - you end up remembering (a little too late) why it ended in the first place the last time and the time before and the time before... Then you're yet again in over your head or, as we say in Louisiana 'knee deep in gators'. And you'd be surprised how fast those babies can move! So ladies, if you don't wanna get bit, perhaps consider reading up on Houdini and his disappearing acts.

And guys, there are some of us women that if you attempt to call up late on a Friday night you'll end up with the wrong kind of what the kids refer to as 'booty call'. You'll get the booty alright... It'll be more like a boot up your backside. If you just absolutely, positively have to make that call, it'd serve you well to remember if you're gonna play with that you better be ready to stay with that.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


Well, like I promised... Here we go again. Just when I thought I had seen and experienced it all reality strikes again. It just gets me how much attention we pay to things like Kim Kardashian's 72 day marriage. If Kim had to find Mr. Right out in the country like the rest of us, she may have been more inclined to at least hang on for 90 days (roughly the equivalent of Lindsay's average probation). I think one reason marriages lasted longer in the old west was that by the time the circuit judge made it to town the couple figured out how to live together.

What's that? Oh, what's the E-male? The e-male is someone you meet who lives in a different area than you but insists that makes no difference. Now, I've said all along it's better if you live in the country to find someone also from the country; that way you have similar interests and values in life... usually. But what happens if you're part of the country is a whole state away from his part of the country? (In Texas that's roughly the size of 2 small European countries!)

You wish you could just tie a rope around the other person's city limits sign and pull it closer but that won't even work on a Garmin. (Now it's telecommunication rather than telegraph.) Just think if it were the olden days when you had to rely on things like the Pony Express or rotary dial phones. (Try making a webisode of that one Miss K.)

So, Mr. E-Male if you're going to ride the airwaves looking for the new version of the mail order bride (guess now that's the 'E-MALE' order bride), unless you want to end up riding for the Pony Express instead, learn to make the transition from e-male to air male. Believe me, there's nothing that sets our little hearts a flutter more than to find you on our door step rather than in our inbox... Just don't arrive C.O.D. - that's still tacky.

Thursday, November 10, 2011


Ok. Ok. Ok. I'M BACK!!!! I got lost in thought again. It's still unfamiliar territory and I couldn't bring it up on my GPS. Besides that I had nothing to bellow from - my soap box spends more time in the repair shop than Lindsay Lohan spends in jail (not that that's saying much I guess). But, like I said, I'm back... and back with a vengeance! Today's topic: What do you get when you cross desolation with desperation? Apparently - MY DATING LIFE! Yep, another Madoff sighting... As in he made off with my brain. Why me, Lord? Why me?

You know the saying: 'He has a face for radio?' Well, how about this one: ' He has a heart for solitaire'!  Oh, well. What's a girl to do but keep on keepin' on as they say. If I were to really believe in "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger", I could give Hulk Hogan a run for his money this week. 

Seriously, though, I guess I'm going through a no passing zone in my dating life for the time being. Kinda like when you're in a hurry to get somewhere and you end up stuck on a two lane road behind your neighbor on his John Deere headed to the hay field. You both have somewhere to be and are trying to get there the best that you can despite your limitations. But when you try to pass that tractor in a no passing zone you know what happens - if you're like me you end up highway patrol's 'speed' dial. So it's the same with lookin' for love... if you to hurry up you're inevitably gonna get caught up.

The good news is I get to hang out with my pasture pals tonight. It doesn't get much better than that... beer, blonds and laughter... so maybe by tomorrow my brain will have found its way home and my heart will be back from the cleaners (had to send it there after retrieving it back from the manure pile.) 

Oh, yeah, tomorrow's topic: When air 'male' becomes pony express.

Night all.