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Friday, March 23, 2012

IT'D BE FUNNY IF IT WEREN'T SO SAD

Just when I think I've heard it all, another doozie flies into my ear. And this one is about as annoying as those little gnats that'll do the same thing to you. I was conversing with a guy recently that is without a doubt simply the Sad Sack of the dating realm. (I'll wait a minute for those too young to remember "Sad Sack".)... ... ... Ok, back now? Kinda scary cause it's really true what I'm about to tell you.

As usual, the conversation started out basic enough - the dating versions of "Who are you and what do you want?" Umm, not to be confused with those same questions asked when a telemarketer calls. Well, as I was about to say - he should've stopped right there but he didn't. If he had, this blog entry might have a little different ending or not be on here at all in fact.

I've found that if I sit there and keep my trap shut, I can learn all sorts of useful things about people. I asked one question that was the equivalent of the "How are you feeling today" question you NEVER ask a hypochondriac. I asked him "What's your status now and where do you see yourself going?" I don't know where he WAS going, but at that point, I can tell you where he DID go - right into my Outbox.

Guys, if you want to catch the attention of a girl, here's a 'how not to' tip. Here's the scenario: You're talking for the first time on the phone to a woman you'd like to meet but haven't yet. You just said in a very reassuring tone that it may not always be possible to respond to emails right away but don't worry, you'll get to them as quickly as possible. (So far so good right?) If you want to have a first date, I recommend stopping right there... Here's what you don't do:  If you don't have internet at home, for the love of a woman, please, please, please don't say "Cause the Internet Provider ran my credit history and refused me even after I told 'em I have bad credit".  

Seriously, you know the old '3 dates before sex' rule? Credit History has a 3 month rule and that's only if you've been out on 89 dates during those 3 months!  And you wanna talk about making a bad situation worse - if you're living in a house now and your goal for improvement is to live in a fifth wheel motor home, you might wanna hold off on that little tidbit too.

The kicker is a few days after that he actually texted me to see why I wasn't interested! Now you see what I mean then about Sad Sack. And no, I'm not being a snob here. I'm just saying I may have to put gas in my teenager's truck to come see me but that doesn't mean I intend to do the same for you!

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