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Thursday, December 27, 2012

YOU'RE CONFUSED? I'M CONFUSED!


“I’m confused.” It was a text message I seemed to be getting lately and, quite honestly, he wasn’t the only one who was confused! What? YOU’RE confused? How do you think I feel! Oh, you meant YOU are confused. Ok, well, then, I better start back a few days and bring you up to speed. Guess that’d be like watching a barrel racer run out of the arena with a leading time but the clock is still stuck on 0.000.

Now, let me set the stage for you: Brayden and I had recently made acquaintance in a western store and struck up a conversation. We exchanged numbers and emails and, almost immediately, I received the first message from him. For several days we kept up a constant stream of text and phone chats. Very soon after, he asked me out to dinner. Things went swell! He was warm, he was funny and, most importantly he was educated and employed… I call that the “Momma Trifecta” – that means you can take him home to momma and there’s a check in the ‘WIN’ column for each of those divisions on her scorecard. And trust me, that’s not an easy feat to accomplish.

The longer we talked the more I felt at ease with him. Sometime during the date he hinted that perhaps we could get together again. Yikes! This was going better than I anticipated! In fact, in the back of my mind I actually started thinking “Wow, we may really have a second date”. Well, since he loaded that thoroughbred into the starting gate, I figured I may as well ride it. Taking a deep breath and crossing my fingers under the table, the words shot out like that thoroughbred out of that gate “Hey, you know something? My friend is having a cook out next weekend. Would you like to go?”  Then I held my breath. I saw a light frown come across his forehead. “What day is it?” he asked. (That’s a question we usually ask when we’re devising the “I’m sorry I have to wash my hair” answer.) “It’s Saturday.” “Saturday huh?” More breath holding. For a split second there was that pin dropping silence. Then, it happened. I saw the smile first, “Sure, that sounds like fun.” Finally, I could breathe again. I felt like I had been training for a pool length underwater swim by this point!

So, to here, the wheels are still on the wagon. We lived a little distance apart so when we parted company it was back to texting and phone calls, which were numerous. Finally, Saturday gets here and so does he. We went to the party and, again, had a good time… How could we not? Good people, good food, good music and last but certainly not least “I WAS THERE WITH A DATE!!!” He was saying all the right things, things like “I really like you and enjoy your company and I hope you feel the same”, “I’d like to see where this goes for us. Why don’t we give this relationship a try.” Wow, I was walking a couple inches off the ground I was so happy.

Now here’s where the wagon starts losing an axle. After that night, he advised he was suddenly feeling ill and the beginning of what I knew from experience was the end was once again upon an up-to-then blossoming relationship.

Here’s how it happened: Remember the numerous calls and texts I told you about? Yeah, well, they declined quicker than Mel Gibson’s popularity. I would periodically text him and check on him asking things like “Hey, you ok?” or “Hope you’re feeling better?” and even “Well, if I were there I’d nurse you back to health lol.” His response? Let’s just say I could hear the Jeopardy theme music playing over and over. And axle number 1 is in the mud!

When it had been a couple of days with no word from him, I decided to finishing ripping the bandaid off, sending him a short and sweet text ‘I wish you well.’ Yep, you guessed it… Axle number 2 is in the mud! His answer “I’m confused.” 

I decided that ok, I’ll take the bait.  ME: “What are you confused about?”
BRAYDEN: “Are you dumping me? Why?”
ME: “Well, seeing as how I haven’t heard from you in 2 days when before it would be close to every couple of hours I figured you weren’t interested any more.”
BRAYDEN: “Gee, I sent you a Happy 4th text.”

Let me stop you right here… REALLY????? “A” message? Oh, where do I begin? Now your wagon is up the creek without an axle!

Oh, we understand during the day we all have to work and it’s not always possible to communicate. BUT, if evening rolls around and we still don’t hear from you well that quarter horse just turned into an Appaloosa of a whole other color. See, we take ‘in communicado’ as ‘uninterested’ or ‘otherwise occupied’ - either of which being about as acceptable as Kim Kardashian dateless on New Years Eve.

Guys, let me give you a couple of tips here. For one thing, minimums (meaning the LEAST you can get away with) are for government standards not for communicating with your girlfriend. Secondly, if we have to constantly prompt you to hear from you then to us that’s the same as reminding you to not to forget to remember us.

Moral of the story today: If you’re really interested in being with someone then leave the ‘minimum to get by with’ to HUD and send that special little lady a quick ‘thinking of you’ text. You’ll have more Brownie points than Betty Crocker! 

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